Funny Quotes

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.Albert Einstein

We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them.William Arthur Ward

The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world; I am like a snowball - the further I am rolled the more I gain. Susan B. Anthony

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. Dick Cavett

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. Plato

Cultivate the habit of early rising. It is unwise to keep the head long on a level with the feet. Henry David Thoreau

Every horse thinks its own pack heaviest. Thomas Fuller

A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them. Elbert Hubbard

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. Jack Benny

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old. Washington Irving

Minds, like bodies, will often fall into a pimpled, ill-conditioned state from mere excess of comfort. Charles Dickens

If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it. Calvin Coolidge

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. French Proverb

Bore: one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. Benjamin Disraeli

Two things are bad for the heart - running up stairs and running down people. Bernard M. Baruch

If they can make penicillin out of mouldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. Mahummaad Ali

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. Bob Hope

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. Confucius

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Schulz

Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water! Eleanor Roosevelt

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? Erma Bombeck

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.

Experience is a comb which nature gives us when we are bald. Chinese Proverb

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. Walt Disney

When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make lemonade. Dale Carnegie

Live your life and forget your age. Norman Vincent Peale

What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing will work unless you do. Maya Angelou

Nobody's got it made. Nobody, no matter what they look like. Linda Evans

Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five. Benjamin Franklin

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age. French Proverb

Age doesn't matter, unless your cheese. Jean Paul Richter

It is strange that the years teach us patience; that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting. Elizabeth Taylor

The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them. George Bernard Shaw

If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem. John Paul Getty

I never knew a man come to greatness or eminence who lay abed late in the morning. Jonathan Swift

Here is a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't. Richard Bach

An inventor fails 999 times, and if he succeeds once, he's in. He treats his failures simply as practice shots. Charles F. Kettering

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller

If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else! Yogi Berra

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